Thursday Thoughts- Disciplining in front of family...

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Thursday Thoughts
This is where we will collaborate on classroom issues.

"I know this is normally about classroom issues, but with the 4th of July coming up I have one about family time.  How can I keep my discipline consistent around family?  My family is more of a swat on the butt kinda family and I am trying to work on teaching social skills instead."  -Andrea P., Norfolk

Wowza!  I think this is something everyone has faced in one way or another when it comes to family.  As we grow into our own nuclear families it can become difficult to stand on values that differ from the nuclear family in which you were raised. 

Often times when your "elders" see you doing something differently then they did while helping raise you they see it as an attack on what they did.  Instead the emphasis should be placed on what works for your child. Try some of these:
  • For little Johnny working on a solution helps the situation more than a spanking.
  • We are being consistent with what is occurring at school and they focus on social skills.
  • Because of the patience you showed me as a child I am trying to show Johnny the same patience as he learns better behavior.
  • This is what we have agreed on as parents, but I thank you for your advice since I know it comes from a  place of love.
If a family member is intervening in behavior you haven't seen and isn't using physical force you can always let it slide in the heat of the moment and attempt a discussion when the children are not around.  If they attempt to "swat" you should intervene then and simply let them know you will handle the situation and take the child to a private location.

Speaking of private locations, discipline should always be done as privately as possible.  While it is not always reasonable to have a completely separate space when out in public (you mean you don't carry a pup tent everywhere?), simply moving the child away from the group is best.  This is to limit embarrassment and to allow you to communicate in a "safe" environment. 

Try some of those phrases and separate locations and let us know how the weekend goes.  Do any of my fine readers have suggestions for Andrea?  Do you face this with your family during gatherings?

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